submission Archives - Dr Michael Aaron

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Radio Appearance on WBAI 99.5FM NYC

Radio Appearance on WBAI 99.5FM NYC

It was my pleasure to appear on the Positive Mind show on WBAI radio back in December to promote my book Modern Sexuality. The hosts, Kevin and Ben are very prepared and ask terrific questions, so we always end up having deep and meaningful discussions. This was my second time appearing– the first was back in June when we spent two hours discussing “alternative” sexualities (you can find those audio files by going to the Media page and scrolling down or clicking here for part 1 and here for part 2.

Anyway, this was such a phenomenal interview, with such breadth to the conversation, I thought blog readers would be interested in hearing the whole 1hr 20 segment. I’m including show notes below with timestamps so that you can go and skip ahead to any particular parts that you find most interesting. BTW, if you are interested in learning more about Modern Sexuality, which spent several months in the top 10 on Amazon in its category, you might also be interested in taking a look at this fantastic review in Playboy Magazine. Enjoy!

Listen to “Michael Aaron Appearance on WBAI Dec 13, 2016” on Spreaker.

Show Notes:

0:52– Society & media’s ambivalence about sex

5:30– What is modern sexuality?

6:40– Group formation & “deviance”

9:30– Role of shame in sexuality

10:55– My activism/2015 AASECT position statement on “non-normative” sexualities

17:45– Working with clients who practice some form of “non-normative” sexuality

18:45– Failure of conversion therapies

21:10– Research on etiology of homosexuality

24:58– How I help clients talk about sex

27:25– Why people stop having sex

29:00– What goes into “peak” sexual experiences

31:50– The “honeymoon” phase of relationships

36:05– Research on […]

By Michael Aaron|February 5th, 2017|Couples Therapy, Sex Addiction, Sex and Culture, Sex Therapy, Sexual Minorities, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments

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Gray Areas in Sexuality: When Is a Fetish “Too Extreme?”

Gray Areas in Sexuality: When Is a Fetish “Too Extreme?”

I was inspired to write this article following my interview on Vice.com about “Cash Slaves.” This documentary examines the edgy, underground world of Financial Domination, or “Findom.” Basically what this entails is an authority-based relationship where one individual experiences pleasure, and perhaps arousal, by being financially dominated (ie controlled, used, possibly exploited) by another. I would categorize this under “psychological edge-play” because it does touch upon some thorny, gray areas. For example, what if someone desired to be drained to the point of bankruptcy, what do we make of that? Is it ever healthy to be financially dominated in this way? These are all indeed tough questions and lead to an even bigger question– is a sexual fetish or desire ever too extreme or unhealthy? This video examines all of these questions, and then some, and pins the question of what it means to have this kind of a fetish up against the backdrop of living in an age of extreme capitalism. Brilliantly produced, directed, and edited, you can check out the video below, and after you watch it continue reading for my additional commentary.

When I agreed to participate in this documentary, I told the producers that I wanted to make sure that it did not portray any kind of non-normative sexual template in a pathological light. Along those lines, I made a point out of clearing up some misconceptions. Most of the individuals who participate in this do so in a controlled manner and have money to burn. Second, there are certainly a bevy of individuals wanting to jump into the findom game […]

By Michael Aaron|October 25th, 2015|Sex Therapy, Sexual Minorities, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments

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Sexuality and Censorship

Sexuality and Censorship

Earlier this month, UK anti-porn advocates won a monumental and far-reaching victory when the UK government passed the Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014, in which a whole host of sexual acts are now banned from British porn, based on what the board deems as “content that is not acceptable.” I will get into the list of taboo acts in a moment, but first I think it is important to take a look at what this ruling means. In my opinion, it sets an extremely dangerous precedent, in which some third party or government body can effectively censor anything that they may subjectively object to, even if the material is consensual and harms no one.

Avant-garde Yugoslav film director Dusan Makavejev created films in the 1970s focusing on the intersection between government, society, and sexuality. In his work, he raised a critical eye towards authority and its desire, or more like incessant drive, to eradicate and suppress all freedom and dissent. For his efforts, he was persecuted and eventually blacklisted. As Makavejev so deftly shows in his films, the first line of suppression for any authoritarian government is one of the key sources of our human creativity, inspiration, and personal sense of freedom– our sexuality. History shows that as soon as an authoritarian government rises to power, one of the first things to go is human sexual rights.

Take a look around at the world, and you can see for yourself the crackdown of human sexuality imposed by authoritarian and dictatorial regimes– Egypt’s gay community targeted by government crackdown http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/apr/17/egypt-gay-community-fears-government-crackdown , Russia’s institutional violence and discrimination towards gays http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/religious-right-leader-backs-russian-cra , Uganda’s anti-homosexuality legislation http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-29994678 , […]

By Michael Aaron|December 16th, 2014|Sex Addiction, Sex and Culture, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments

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New Study: “Unusual” Sexual Fantasies Not So Unusual

New Study: “Unusual” Sexual Fantasies Not So Unusual

Earlier I wrote about how the term sexual “deviance” has absolutely no scientific merit, and now just a few weeks later a new study comes out in the prestigious Journal of Sexual Medicine, which surveyed over 1500 respondent about their sexual fantasies, and determined that almost none of them are really that unusual.

Let’s take a closer look at the nuts and bolts of this survey. It breaks down the sexual fantasies into very specific details and separates participants by gender. Most interestingly, only two of the fantasies were found to be rare and men and women were found to differ significantly in the amount and content of their fantasies. The two more rare fantasies were having sex with a child younger than 12 (pedophilia) at roughly 1.5% (0.8% women and 1.8% men) and having sex with animals (zoophilia) (3%women and 2.2% men). Remember, these numbers reflect the people who were willing to disclose these kinds of fantasies– self reports like these are notorious for underreporting.

More unusual, but by no means rare fantasies included fantasies around urination (water sports) for both women (7%) and men (9%) and the following fantasies only for women: wearing clothes of the opposite gender (6.9%), forcing someone to have sex (10.8%), abusing a person who is drunk, asleep, or unconscious (10.8%), having sex with a prostitute (12.5%), and having sex with a women who has very small breasts (10.8%). NONE of these were found to be unusual at all for men. In general men had way more fantasies than women, and indicated a higher desire to experience them in real […]

By Michael Aaron|November 4th, 2014|Sex and Culture, Sexual Minorities, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments

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Ecstasy Through Surrender

Ecstasy Through Surrender

Note: This article and subsequent articles about various aspects of power dynamics and kink within relationships is not meant as specific suggestions or clinical advice and is only meant as a psychological examination of diverse sexual behaviors.

I’m sure that anyone reading this article has heard someone close to them say (or has said it him or herself) something like “I just need to let go.” As a therapist, I know that many of my clients can relate to that idea. Let’s face it though, in our modern society, it is very difficult to “just let go.” We are constantly driven by a myriad of pressures, both internal and external. The need to succeed, to compete with others for social status and gain, the need to pay bills, the need to save money, the need to raise kids, and so on and so on. It never ends.

But this constant need for striving has its own inherent risks and drawbacks. It leads to chronic anxiety, tension and depression. Success has its opportunity costs. Some of the most successful people in our society are also the ones with the most emotions and psychological difficulties.

I want to take a closer look at the concept of anxiety. At its root, there is a element of “holding on” that I think is a fundamental aspect of anxiety. When I ask highly anxious people about what they experience, they’ll often mention that their anxiety feels almost like a much-needed friend, as if it is their one last firm grasp on reality. That their anxiety helps them feel alive. And that if […]

By Michael Aaron|December 19th, 2013|Sex Therapy, Sexual Minorities, Sexuality and Psychology|1 Comment