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Sexuality and Censorship

Earlier this month, UK anti-porn advocates won a monumental and far-reaching victory when the UK government passed the Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014, in which a whole host of sexual acts are now banned from British porn, based on what the board deems as “content that is not acceptable.”  I will get into the list of taboo acts in a moment, but first I think it is important to take a look at what this ruling means. In my opinion, it sets an extremely dangerous precedent, in which some third party or government body can effectively censor anything that they may subjectively object to, even if the material is consensual and harms no one.

Avant-garde Yugoslav film director Dusan Makavejev created films in the 1970s focusing on the intersection between government, society, and sexuality. In his work, he raised a critical eye towards authority and its desire, or more like incessant drive, to eradicate and suppress all freedom and dissent. For his efforts, he was persecuted and eventually blacklisted. As Makavejev so deftly shows in his films, the first line of suppression for any authoritarian government is one of the key sources of our human creativity, inspiration, and personal sense of freedom– our sexuality. History shows that as soon as an authoritarian government rises to power, one of the first things to go is human sexual rights.

Take a look around at the world, and you can see for yourself the crackdown of human sexuality imposed by authoritarian and dictatorial regimes– Egypt’s gay community targeted by government crackdown http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/apr/17/egypt-gay-community-fears-government-crackdown , Russia’s institutional violence and discrimination towards gays http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/religious-right-leader-backs-russian-cra , Uganda’s anti-homosexuality legislation http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-29994678 , […]

By |December 16th, 2014|Sex Addiction, Sex and Culture, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments
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Is it Possible to Eradicate a Fetish?

In a recent post, I wrote about how the field of sexology is uneven in its application and rife with regional and individual biases, largely due to general sex phobia and a subsequent lack of empirical research within the field. Recently, a debate on the mailing list of one of the sexological organizations to which I belong touched again upon discrepancies within the field. The discussion in question concerned whether or not it is possible to eradicate a fetish. Most respondents were in agreement that, like a sexual orientation, eradicating a sexual fetish is not only not possible, but particularly in fetishes that cause no harm, even unethical.

One clinician, however, stated not only that eradicating a fetish is possible, but then went on to describe exactly how (he/she believes) it is done. The methodology described was so disturbing, however, that I felt it necessary to challenge the ideas presented and to present both his/her perspective as well as my response here on my blog as a cautionary tale to individuals who may have questions regarding their own sexuality so that the know what to avoid in therapy. I have eliminated any details that could reveal the identify of the other clinician.

Below is what the clinician wrote in support of fetish eradication. I am highlighting and italicizing the most objectionable aspects:
I don’t see a fetish as similar to sexual orientation – it is something that does reflect “something wrong”, and in my own experience, DOES respond to therapy! One issue is that sexual fetishes – paraphilias – typically involve sexual activity with something that does not provide the […]

By |December 8th, 2014|Sex and Culture, Sex Therapy, Sexual Minorities, Sexuality and Psychology|2 Comments
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Another Word on Loss of Sexual Desire

Recently, I was interviewed in a Huffington Post article about the most common sexual issues that sex therapists see in their office. To see more on this article, you can click here. Anyway, since the interview response that they posted was a bit abridged, I wanted to spend a little more time exploring this difficulty since it is so prevalent.

When I work with individuals struggling with low libido, I first want to understand the context in which they are having this experience. For example, I would want to know answers to the following questions. What is the relationship status of the person– are they single, dating, in a committed relationship? If in a committed relationship, for how long? When did this problem begin? I would also want to rule out medical issues, so I will refer the individual to a physician for blood work to determine levels of testosterone and other hormones. Sometimes testosterone is a major player, but more often not. In my experience, with individuals low libido tends to be more emotional, rather than physical in nature, while with couples it is more often than not it stems from relational problems.  For more info on the relational aspects of low libido difficulties within couples, you can check out my article “Three Main Reasons Behind Loss of Sexual Desire in Couples”, which was picked up and syndicated by numerous other websites.

As I indicated in my response to the HuffPost journalist, relational issues include stuff like resentment (which is basically a euphemism for anger) and lack of trust, along with other elements I didn’t mention such as inequitable power […]

By |November 25th, 2014|Couples Therapy, Sex Therapy, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments
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New Documentary about Mind/Body Connection

I don’t often endorse projects that come to my attention, but I feel so strongly about the subject matter of this upcoming documentary film, that I felt a strong desire to share it on my site with my readers. The film, All the Rage sheds light on one of the pioneers of mind/body medicine, Dr. John Sarno. Dr. Sarno, who worked for many years in the rehabilitation center of NYU Medical Hospital treating individuals who had various structural and back injuries due to vehicular collisions, slips and falls, and various other accidents.  At some point, he started noticing very interesting phenomena– some people who injured their back would get well rather quickly, while others never moved on past their back pain. In addition the severity of the pain had no correlation to the severity of the injury. And finally, there was absolutely no connection whatsoever between back pain and structural abnormalities discovered through x-ray imaging and MRIs. In other words, individuals with severe back pain would have nothing show up on an x-ray, while those with no pain at all would show multiple ruptured disks, and so on.

Dr. Sarno began to realize that most, if not all, of the chronic back pain that he was treating was not caused by structural abnormalities, but by other factors. Specifically, he noted that most of the chronic pain sufferers he treated shared many similar psychological commonalities. For example, they were more likely to be Type-A people, you know the type who are very perfectionistic and successful, but also very hard on themselves. He started realizing that perhaps the […]

By |November 18th, 2014|Sex Therapy, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments
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New Study: “Unusual” Sexual Fantasies Not So Unusual

Earlier I wrote about how the term sexual “deviance” has absolutely no scientific merit, and now just a few weeks later a new study comes out in the prestigious Journal of Sexual Medicine, which surveyed over 1500 respondent about their sexual fantasies, and determined that almost none of them are really that unusual.

Let’s take a closer look at the nuts and bolts of this survey. It breaks down the sexual fantasies into very specific details and separates participants by gender. Most interestingly, only two of the fantasies were found to be rare and men and women were found to differ significantly in the amount and content of their fantasies. The two more rare fantasies were having sex with a child younger than 12 (pedophilia) at roughly 1.5% (0.8% women and 1.8% men) and having sex with animals (zoophilia) (3%women and 2.2% men). Remember, these numbers reflect the people who were willing to disclose these kinds of fantasies– self reports like these are notorious for underreporting.

More unusual, but by no means rare fantasies included fantasies around urination (water sports) for both women (7%) and men (9%) and the following fantasies only for women: wearing clothes of the opposite gender (6.9%), forcing someone to have sex (10.8%), abusing a person who is drunk, asleep, or unconscious (10.8%), having sex with a prostitute (12.5%), and having sex with a women who has very small breasts (10.8%). NONE of these were found to be unusual at all for men. In general men had way more fantasies than women, and indicated a higher desire to experience them in real […]

By |November 4th, 2014|Sex and Culture, Sexual Minorities, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments
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Study Seeking Participants: BDSM and Personality

As a sexologist and sex therapist, I am always on the lookout for projects that can help shed some light on the subject of human sexuality. Not only is there a dearth of research on sexuality in general, but the study of alternative sexualities, such as kink, is especially barren. You can read more of my thoughts on the field of sexology here.

Anyway, I wanted to pass along the info for a research study being conducted right here in NYC by a 5th year doctoral psychology student at Yeshiva University. It is intended to study the relationship between personality and BDSM and is open to anyone in the world through an online survey, as long as the individual fits the right criteria. I’ll just cut to the chase and copy all the pertinent info about this research study and you can click on the link to the survey and decide for yourself if participating in this project feels right to you. Disclaimer: I am not personally involved in any manner with this research study.
 

I am a 5th year psychology doctoral student at Yeshiva University completing my dissertation research exploring the relationship between individuals’ personalities and behaviors in different domains. This study has been approved by the Institutional Review Board of Albert Einstein College of Medicine at Yeshiva University, New York, NY (IRB Number: 2014-3480).

Participation involves completing a series of online questionnaires. The questionnaires will take roughly 15 minutes to complete. Questionnaires will ask about various demographic, social, and behavioral information. If you complete the questionnaires fully and provide your email address, you will be entered to win a $20 […]

By |October 29th, 2014|Sex and Culture, Sexual Minorities, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments
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Sexuality and Unresolved Grief

In previous posts, I addressed the relationship between sexual difficulties and such powerful negative emotions as guilt, shame, and rage. I briefly addressed the emotion of grief in this article, but I also wanted to take the opportunity to expand on the ways in which grief affects sexual functioning, particularly because it is such a prevalent experience for so many people.

When we experience grief, inevitably we are dealing with some kind of a loss. Grief is the emotional response to loss. Typically, we may think of the loss of a loved one, but loss doesn’t just have to be about the death of a person– it could be about the death of an idea, a hope, a dream, an identity, and so on.  In many ways, grief is a normative process in human development. We’ve all had to (or will have to) grieve the loss of childhood dreams and opportunities; we have to accept that we will never be an astronaut or professional ball player. And we also have to grieve the natural effects of the aging process– we cannot stay young and keep our looks and health forever. So grief is an inevitable experience for all of us in one way or another. We cannot escape it. But there is also a large gap between this kind of normative grief and the unresolved, perhaps pathological, grief that causes long-term difficulties.

When grief becomes unresolved it is typically because an individual is stricken with grief but does not allow him or herself to fully experience it. Essentially, the person is afraid to experience the grief, and develops something resembling […]

By |October 22nd, 2014|Sex Therapy, Sexuality and Psychology|1 Comment
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    Sexually “Deviant” Fantasies: A Concept Without Credibility

Sexually “Deviant” Fantasies: A Concept Without Credibility

As a member of numerous sexuality organizations, I’m often involved in a variety of conversations, both online and in-person, with colleagues in my field. The truth is, even amongst professionals, the field of sexology is still dominated by regional biases, rather than dispassionate science. For example, a sex therapist in New York City, where I practice, is probably going to hold a more tolerant view of a broad spectrum of sexual practices than a sex therapist in more conservative regions. I suppose this is something that would be obvious to most readers, but unfortunately, this lack of uniformity is a black mark on the field of sexology. Case in point, a cardiologist in New York is likely to have the same level of knowledge and theoretical background as a cardiologist in Biloxi, Mississippi. An opthalmologist in Seattle will probably agree on mostly everything with an opthalmologist in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  That’s because these are medical practices ruled by scientific study. And sexology is a scientific discipline as well. But it is poorly funded, so there’s still a lot we don’t know about sexual practices from a scientific standpoint. As a result, sexology (and sex therapy) is still dominated by local mores, community standards, and personal prejudice.

As a case in point, I will briefly discuss an online conversation in one of the organizations I belong to. I don’t want to reveal anything too personal about anyone involved in the conversation, so I will just touch upon the main themes that I think are extremely important because they touch upon a major issue– the current state of the field of sexology […]

By |October 13th, 2014|Sex and Culture, Sex Therapy, Sexual Minorities, Sexuality and Psychology|1 Comment
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Why Sex is Just the Tip of the Iceberg

When people ask me what is sex therapy, my answer often comes as a surprise– sex therapy is simply regular talk therapy, which also includes a frank discussion of sexual issues and/or difficulties.  In other words, the skills necessary to be a good sex therapist cannot be separated from the skills of more general psychotherapy. And there is a specific reason for this– more often than not, the sex is just the tip of the iceberg.

Let me explain. An individual may come in to my office, complaining of a sexual difficulty, let’s say inability to enjoy sex, for example, but as we start working together it becomes apparent that this individual’s entire body is numb because he has shut himself off from ever having to feel intense, painful emotions again. So, in this instance, a deeper emotional issue has now begun to affect the individual’s sexual functioning, but the core issue isn’t the sex, it’s these nagging underlying painful emotions. The sex is merely the fire under someone’s butt to get him or her into the office, but the sexual issue will not and cannot be resolved unless the individual is willing to take a committed look at the deeper underlying issues.

This is just an example, and yes, sometimes sexual difficulties can be resolved without any of this deeper work. Often, because we live in a culture that is so confused about sex, just providing accurate sex education to dispel toxic and inaccurate beliefs is enough to send someone in the right direction. Or some behavioral interventions are sufficient when we are working with more […]

By |October 6th, 2014|Sex Therapy, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments
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Some Additional Thoughts on Anger: The Three-Headed Monster

In numerous previous posts, I have gone into extensive length in discussing anger. For most of us, anger is such an uncomfortable emotion, that we have found elegant solutions to manage it, tolerate it, and push it away from our awareness. Unfortunately these defensive maneuvers, although at one time may have worked, often create more pain and suffering than benefit for us. Let’s take a look at the three most common strategies that people typically have found to manage anger along with the negative consequences that result from these strategies.

The first and most common strategy is called deflection. This is the typical “kick the dog” when you’re angry strategy. In other words, this is when we focus our anger on someone else, rather than the actual source of the anger, because this other entity is either more vulnerable in some way or just plainly a more easy target. So, for example, if a boss or supervisor has enraged the individual, it is far easier to take out the anger at home with one’s family, which is usually a captive audience, rather than deal with direct conflict at work, which may have unknown and terrifying consequences. When we are angry at someone and we have no idea why, it may be helpful to take a look at deflection as a potential culprit.

Second is projection. If it is too uncomfortable for us to tolerate the anger, we may project it unto another person, which means that instead of being aware of our anger, we instead believe that someone is angry at us. In essence, the end result of […]

By |September 25th, 2014|Sex Therapy, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments
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Prevention: Is Sex Addiction Real?

Great article in Prevention Magazine about the sex addiction controversy. Check out what I had to say. https://www.prevention.com/sex/a21969931/sex-addiction-signs/

Romper: Emotional Infidelity

Romper approached me again for another quote, this time about emotional infidelity. https://www.romper.com/p/if-your-partner-has-done-these-7-things-they-might-have-committed-emotional-infidelity-12803527

Fatherly: BDSM More Common Than You Think

Interesting piece in Fatherly about BDSM in which I was interviewed. https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/bdsm-kinky-sex-not-uncommon/

E! Online: Marrying a Murderer

E! News picked up my an interview I did with Vice a few years ago about hybristophilia, which is the attraction to criminals. Very interesting story. https://www.eonline.com/news/979800/marrying-a-murderer-the-women-who-fall-in-love-with-men-behind-bars

Who Magazine: What is Bisexuality?

Who is Australia's version of People Magazine. They wanted to know what bisexuality is and I provided some insight. https://www.who.com.au/what-is-bisexual

CNN: Why Men May Exaggerate Their Sex Numbers

Seems like something doesn't add up on sex surveys-- are men exaggerating their number of partners? Check out what I tell CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2018/09/06/health/number-of-sex-partners-kerner/index.html

Women’s Health: 10 Kinky Sex Ideas

Women's Health asked me for some kinky ideas to spice up one's sex life. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a22863334/kinky-sex-ideas/

Romper: 5 Easy Postpartum Sex Positions

I provide Romper with some advice on postpartum sex positions. https://www.romper.com/p/5-easy-postpartum-sex-positions-that-will-help-you-ease-back-into-intimacy-10144918

NY Post: How Tattoos Can Sabotage Your Love Life

I was interviewed by the NY Post about all the ways in which I've seen bad tattoos sabotage relationships. https://nypost.com/2018/04/25/how-tattoos-can-sabotage-your-love-life/

Allure: 8 BDSM Sex Tips to Try If You’re a Total Beginner

Allure Magazine asked me about tips for BDSM beginners. https://www.allure.com/story/bondage-sex-tips-for-bdsm-beginners

Romper: 7 Mental Health Benefits Of Orgasms, As If You Need An Excuse

This one seems pretty self-explanatory. https://www.romper.com/p/7-mental-health-benefits-of-orgasms-as-if-you-need-excuse-7952157

Salon.com: On Pornhub you can search anything: Politicians, pop stars, even fidget spinners

I answer questions from Salon.com about the infamous porn site PornHub. www.salon.com/2018/01/20/on-pornhub-you-can-search-anything-politicians-pop-stars-even-fidget-spinners/

NY Post: Why having sex when you’re tired can ruin your relationship

I tell NY Post that it's not a good idea to keep trying to have sex when you are exhausted. https://nypost.com/2017/12/27/why-having-sex-when-youre-tired-can-ruin-your-relationship/

Women’s Health: Can You Really Be Addicted To Sex? Here’s Everything You Should Know

I explained to Women's Health my position on why sex addiction is not the most accurate label to describe sexually compulsive behavior. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/what-is-sex-addiction  

Cosmopolitan: 7 Signs You Might Be Hard-Wired for Monogamy

I tell Cosmo about the personality traits of monogamous individuals. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a12454448/signs-you-need-monogamy/

Refinery29: So You’ve Been Faking Orgasms — & Now You Want To Stop

I explain to Refinery29 why it's so important to not fake orgasms in a relationship. http://www.refinery29.com/stop-faking-orgasms-during-sex-advice

Women’s Health: Exactly How To Ask If The Person You’re Dating Is Sleeping With Other People

Interesting piece in Women's Health where I am interviewed on how to ask someone your dating about their own dating habits. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/is-he-seeing-other-people

Refinery29: After Being Friends With Benefits, Can You Ever Go Back To Just Friends?

I am interviewed by Refinery29 about "Friends with Benefits" relationships. http://www.refinery29.com/sex-buddy-friend-with-benefits-break-up

CNN: What counts as ‘cheating’ in the digital age?

I discuss the difference between privacy and secrecy in this CNN piece on infidelity. http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/16/health/cheating-internet-sex-kerner/

Men’s Fitness: 5 ways porn can affect your relationship

I am interviewed in this fairly nuanced piece on the pros and cons of porn. http://www.mensfitness.com/women/sex-tips/5-ways-porn-can-affect-your-relationship

Fatherly: 6 Quiet Sex Positions That Won’t Wake The Kids

I provide tips to new fathers on how they can keep the sex going even when they need to keep quiet. https://www.fatherly.com/love-and-money/sex-and-intimacy/6-quiet-sex-positions/

Headspace: How To Get Out of Your Head to Enjoy Sex More

I am interviewed by Headspace, one of the best meditation and mindfulness apps available, on how to become more present. https://www.headspace.com/blog/2017/05/26/enjoy-sex-more/

Business Insider: How Often Do Happy Couples Have Sex?

I am interviewed in this intriguing Business Insider article on how often happy couples have sex. http://www.businessinsider.com/how-much-happy-couples-have-sex-relationship-2017-5

Huffington Post: Why You Need to Remove ‘Sex Addiction’ From Your Vocabulary

The Huffington Post in South Africa profiles my work around challenging sex addiction (including my red/yellow/green menu exercise) . http://www.huffingtonpost.co.za/marlene-wasserman/lets-replace-sex-addiction-with-out-of-control-behaviour_a_22074923/

Women’s Health: 5 Sex Positions To Try If You Are Bored

I provide some "technical" advice in this Women's Health piece. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/tabletop-sex-positions

Refinery 29: What To Do If You Get a Panic Attack During Sex

I provide some tips for people struggling with panic attacks. http://www.refinery29.com/panic-attacks-during-sex-tips

VICE: Differences Between Men’s and Women’s Sex Toys

I go deep into the sex toy business with Vice. https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/4xjk9w/womens-sex-toys-look-like-the-future-mens-are-genitalia-in-a-tube

Women’s Health: How Can I Tell If I’m a Squirter?

I am interviewed by Women's Health about squirting and what it is. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/how-to-tell-if-you-can-squirt

Refinery 29: Turned on by Blood

I am asked by Refinery 29 to comment on why people may be aroused by blood. http://www.refinery29.com/blood-play-sexual-fetish-tips

Refinery 29: Piercing Fetish

I am featured in this very intriguing article on fetishes related to piercing and "needle play." http://www.refinery29.com/genital-piercing-sexual-fetish

The Tab: What Happens When Your Boyfriend Leaves You For Another Man?

I give some insight into this interesting topic. https://thetab.com/us/2017/03/22/happens-boyfriend-leaves-another-man-63306

Independent (UK): What the Future of Porn Looks Like For Women

I am featured in this outstanding article in UK's Independent on women and virtual reality porn. I thought this was a fairly sharp and nuanced piece. http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/porn-future-sex-dolls-vr-adult-films-women-actresses-virtual-reality-a7640071.html

VICE: Uptick in Dominatrix and Porn Use Since Trump

Recent reports have indicated that there has been an uptick in demand for dominatrixes since Trump took office. I give my insight on this topic to Vice.com https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/vvjew4/dominatrixes-and-porn-sites-report-a-huge-bdsm-uptick-since-trump-became-president

Redbook: What To Do If Your Husband Wants a Threesome

I give Redbook some pointers on having a 3some for the first time. http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/sex/news/a46151/how-to-have-a-threesome/

Maxim: Why Some Women are Turned On By Looking at Themselves

https://www.maxim.com/women/why-women-get-turned-on-by-themselves-2017-2

Playboy Compares 50 Shades with My Research

Playboy sent a journalist to watch Fifty Shades Darker, and then compared the movie with the results from my recent groundbreaking research on BDSM. Great article, enjoy! http://www.playboy.com/articles/fifty-shades-darker-review

Refinery 29: Autosexuality

I was interviewed in Refinery29 about autosexuality, a little known and poorly understood sexual orientation. http://www.refinery29.com/2017/02/141054/turn-yourself-on-mirror-sex

The Independent (UK) Feature on My Book Modern Sexuality

The Independent, one of the UK's biggest magazine ran an entire feature profiling my new book Modern Sexuality, in light of new proposed UK laws on porn and sexuality. Great analysis, definitely check this article out. http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/sex-kink-shaming-porn-preferences-society-not-as-sexually-liberated-as-it-thinks-a7579496.html

CNN: Is Fifty Shades a Boon or Bust for Kink?

I was interviewed for this CNN article, exploring the impact of the Fifty Shades trilogy on contemporary sexual life. http://www.cnn.com/2017/02/10/health/fifty-shades-kink-sex-kerner/

New York Magazine: Should Shame Be Used to Treat Sexual Compulsions?

I am featured in this terrific New York Magazine article, discussing some of the finer points brought up in the earlier article in SELF magazine (see listing below). http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2017/01/should-shame-be-used-to-treat-sexual-compulsions.html

Self: How to Treat Sex Addiction When You Don’t Think It Exists

I am featured in this terrific article in SELF magazine on the nuances of the sex addiction debate. http://www.self.com/story/sex-addiction-treatment-therapy

Refinery29: 10 Ways to Tell Your Partner About Your Kink

I appear in this very informative article on revealing sexual desires to one's partner. http://www.refinery29.com/kinky-sex-how-to-talk-about-fetishes#slide

Complex: Is Unsafe Sex the Latest Kink

Complex asked me to weigh in on this provocative topic. http://www.complex.com/life/2017/01/putting-yourself-at-risk-for-stds

Vice: The Cost of Losing Your Virginity Late

I appear in Vice.com, discussing an important but poorly understand subject. https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/the-cost-of-losing-your-virginity-late

Cosmopolitan: Why I Slept With a Married Man

I was asked by Cosmo to comment on this provocative subject. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a8524853/cheating-with-married-men/

Men’s Fitness: January ‘Sex Files’ Q&A

Check out my responses in my sex column 'Sex Files' in the Jan issue of Men's Fitness magazine.

CNN: Is Sex Addiction Real?

I'm interviewed, along with a number of my colleagues, in this great CNN article on a controversial topic. http://www.cnn.com/2016/12/14/health/sex-addiction-real-or-not-kerner/

Thrillist: Signs He’s Undateable

I weigh in in this great advice column in Thrillist by Elle Stanger. https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/relationship-advice-from-a-stripper

Men’s Fitness: November ‘Sex Files’ Q&A

Check out my answers in my Men's Fitness column 'Sex Files' in the Nov 2016 issue.    

Future of Sex Podcast: Exploring Sexual Fluidity

Great episode, check it out. https://soundcloud.com/futureofsex/04-exploring-sexual-fluidity-bicuriousity-for-women-featuring-skirt-club-and-dr-michael-aaron

Broadly: ‘Sleep Incompatible’ Couples

I give couples advice on how to deal with differences in preferred sleeping arrangements. https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/when-the-sex-is-great-but-you-suck-at-sleeping-next-to-each-other

Self Magazine: 9 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About BDSM

I debunk myths about BDSM in this SELF magazine article. http://www.self.com/story/bdsm-facts

Alternet: What Makes People Kinky?

Alternet does a great job of reviewing my book. Check out the link below. http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/what-makes-people-kinky

Nothing Off Limits Podcast

In this episode, we talk about the societal myths of sexuality, including:
  1.  the false belief that sexuality is learned and can be changed,
  2.  that non-normative sexual behavior is pathological,
  3. that healthy sexuality involves intimacy,
  4. that intimacy is easily defined and mean the same to everyone, and
  5. that sexual behavior must have a clearly defined purpose.
We also discuss:
  • harm reduction
  • epigenetics
  • BDSM
  • fetishes
  • partialisms
  • polyamory
  • the darker aspects of psychotherapy when it comes to homosexuality
  • Dr. Aaron’s opinion on the book and movie ’50 Shades of Grey’
  • mismatched desire in couples…and a lot more.
Check it out by clicking the link below! http://ladyfoxentertainment.com/2016/11/06/dr-michael-aaron-on-his-book-modern-sexuality-the-truth-about-sex-and-relationships/

Alternet: Why We’re Still Hot for Erotic Literature

I weigh in on why people still enjoy erotic literature. Click the link below. http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/porn-paper-why-were-still-hot-erotic-literature

Playboy Reviews My Book Modern Sexuality

What a great review! Playboy says Modern Sexuality is incredible! Click the link to check out the review. http://www.playboy.com/articles/in-2016-kinky-sex-is-the-new-norm

Mike E & Emma Australian Radio Show

I was asked to appear on Australian radio. It was a very fun segment, will post the link when I have it!

Cosmopolitan: Meet the Guys Obsessed with the Smell of Vagina

I was asked by Cosmo why some men may love the smell of vagina. It's kind of an off-the-wall topic, but apparently many people are interested in learning about this! http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a5235300/guys-who-love-the-smell-vagina/

Stereo-Typed Podcast: Dancing With Your Shadow

I appear on the Stereo-Typed podcast to discuss my new book, fantasies, and our shadow self. Click the audio player below and enjoy! https://www.spreaker.com/user/crazyheart/stereo-typed-8-dancing-with-your-shadow

The Boom Doctors Podcast

I appear on the Boom Doctors Podcast to discuss my new book Modern Sexuality and my work as a sex therapist. Clink the link below to listen in. http://theboomdoctors.com/2016/09/21/ep-132-michael-aaron-on-his-work-as-a-sex-therapist-his-new-book-modern-sexuality/

Nylon: The Porn You Watch Does Not Define You

I was asked by Nylon Magazine to weigh in on the subject of porn and what it means about the individual consumer. Pretty good non-pathologizing piece, check it out here: http://www.nylon.com/articles/porn-habits-relationship

Vocativ: Is VR Porn the Future of Sex Therapy?

I was interviewed by Vocativ about a new virtual reality series entitled "Virtual Sexology," designed to provide breathing and relaxation exercises in a virtual reality format to help individuals improve sexual functioning. Will something like this prove effective? The jury is out, but check out what I had to say... http://www.vocativ.com/347885/badoink-vr-sex-therapy/

Fusion Network: What is ‘Healthy’ When It Comes to Porn

I appeared on the nationally broadcasted Fusion Network Hotline show to discuss the GOP platform of porn as a "public health crisis." As part of the discussion I debate Dr. Neil Malamuth on porn and sexual violence. I thought this was a very thorough and productive half hour, which you can watch below:

Broadly– Fatal Attraction: The Women Who Love Serial Killers

In this "edgy" and "piercing" piece,  I was asked by Broadly about why certain people might attracted to the allure of dangerous individuals. The article covers a lot of ground, including harm reduction strategies, so definitely take a moment to check it out: https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/hybristophilia-fatal-attraction-the-women-who-love-serial-killers

Vocativ: Best Mattresses for “Sex-Having”

I guess this must be a serious issue, as Vocativ tends to focus on reporting on trending topics. At any rate, people seem to really want to know what is the best kind of mattress for having sex, so naturally Vocativ got in touch with me to find out. Take a look: http://www.vocativ.com/339728/hey-sex-havers-heres-how-you-should-choose-your-next-mattress/

Huffington Post: 7 Ways to Save Your Sexless Marriage

In this Huffington Post article, I advise couples to use sex menus to spice things up. Check out all the details in the link below. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-save-your-sexless-marriage-according-to-sex-therapists_us_57740608e4b0cc0fa1362d64

WBAI 99.5FM NYC Radio interview part 2

In the second episode we focus solely on clinical issues, including how I work with issues around desire discrepancy. I cover a lot of substantive and actionable material here, much of which I also include in my upcoming book.
Enjoy!

WBAI 99.5FM NYC Radio interview part 1

I recently appeared on WBAI 99.5FM NYC radio. We had so much material, we stretched it into 2 hours spanning 2 separate shows.
In this first episode we focus on sexological issues, including sex addiction and then the last 40 min or so were almost completely focused on transgender issues. We also get into some other topics such as newly formed identities such as "otherkin" and the "transabled" and I took some calls from some trans folks. It was a blast.

French TV Canal +: Financial Domination

I appeared on French national tv channel Canal + on the Emission Antoine tv show, discussing the psychology behind financial domination. I will post a video clip of the interview shortly.

Alternet: Why Trans Porn is Hugely Popular Among Hetero Men

Many people have been wondering about this subject and I weigh in with all the details in this Alternet article on why trans porn is so damn popular with straight guys. http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/why-trans-porn-hugely-popular-among-hetero-men . I also provide some resources and citations to get the conversation started on this compelling topic.
From the article: "Aaron introduced us to the concept of 'queer heterosexuality,' or more fluid and non-binary expression of heterosexual identity. Some hope opening up the discussion will 'begin to give voice and legitimacy to the queerness that exists within the straight male world,' as one study puts it."

Women’s Health: 5 Ways to Make Sex With Condoms Feel So Much Better

I was recently interviewed in Women's Health Magazine on different strategies to make sex with condoms feel better. The title is pretty self explanatory. Check it out! http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/condom-sex-tips

Huffington Post: Love + Sex Podcast

I was interviewed on Huffington Post's Love + Sex Podcast, which I'm told is the most downloaded sex and relationship podcast on iTunes. In this episode, I dispel the wild myths about "sex roulette" parties. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sex-roulette-parties-podcast_us_57504bbae4b0ed593f136ca0

Nylon: 10 Things We Learned at an Alt Sex Conference

Check out this very "edgy" writeup of the AltSex NYC Conference from last April by Nylon Magazine. Sample quote: "Not only did Aaron put forth that it’s okay and healthy to enjoy edge play, but he spoke of it’s healing potential, sharing that some sexual assault survivors he has worked with found healing and enjoyment through rape fantasies with someone they trust. It’s an extremely delicate and tricky subject, as a sexual assault survivor myself, while totally supportive of rape fantasy roleplaying, such activities have to absolutely be done with someone you trust and can run a risk of re-traumatizing, a risk Aaron fully acknowledged." http://www.nylon.com/articles/things-we-learned-at-alt-sex-conference#page-1

The Sexual Reawakening Summit

I was interviewed for an upcoming online sexuality discussion series, the Sexual Reawakening Summit. It features many top sex therapists from around the country and you can access it by using this link: http://sexualreawakening.org/michael/

Men’s Fitness: April “Sex Files” Q&A Column

In the April edition of my Men's Fitness 'Sex Files' Q&A column, I answer questions about anal sex and porn. Hurry and pick up a copy before it's off the stands! April Sex Files

Women’s Health: 5 Sex Moves That Flow Seamlessly into New Positions

I was asked by Women's Health Magazine to provide some advise on how to incorporate some new positions to spice up one's sex life. With a bunch of pictures and diagrams, I'm sure you'll find something that will intrigue you. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/sex-positions-that-transition-easily  

AlterNet: A Surprising Number of Men are Renting Digital Girlfriends

I weigh in on this piece on Alternet about technology and the future of relationships. It's a good read overall, and here's a choice quote from me that may peak your interest: Psychotherapist Aaron says, “A lot of men may feel ashamed or embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about or revealing certain sexual fantasies that they have with a partner. For a lot of men, porn is a private way to explore their own sexuality. It’s nonjudgmental, and it’s not shaming. I think that’s a big draw.” According to Aaron, landing a virtual girlfriend provides the same kind of appeal. http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/future-online-dating-just-dating-virtually

New York Magazine Covers the 1st Annual Alt Sex NYC Conference

New York Magazine sent a reporter to attend the conference I created and co-produced, the 1st Annual Alt Sex NYC Conference, and came away with three key things they learned from the event. Enjoy! http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/04/3-insights-about-kinky-and-nonmonogamous-sex.html

Yahoo News picks up Reuters article on Sexual Perfectionism

Looks like Yahoo News picked up the Reuters article on women's fears that their partners expect sexual perfectionism. Check it out. https://www.yahoo.com/news/sex-no-fun-think-partner-perfectionist-215424209.html

Reuters: Sex is No Fun When You Think You’re Partner is a Perfectionist

My latest interview with Reuters, this time about social pressure on women to be perfect sexually. "Our society is filled with sexual myths and misconceptions, mostly stemming from a combination of our culture's puritanical roots, as well as rampant consumerism, which feeds off individual insecurities to sell unnecessary products," Aaron said. http://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-sexuality-perfectionism-idUSKCN0XA2LU

NY Post Picks Up Reuters Article About Kinky Sex

Remember that Reuters article about kinky sex (see below)? Looks like the NY Post is also covering it as well. Check it out: http://nypost.com/2016/03/18/lots-of-people-like-the-kinky-sex-psychologists-call-abnormal/

Reuters: Lots of People Like Kinky Sex Psychologists Call Abnormal

I was asked by news agency Reuters to weigh in on a recent Canadian study of 1000 inhabitants of Quebec, in which nearly half of respondents stated that they enjoyed some form of kinky sex. I pulled no punches with my comments, found towards the end of the piece. Enjoy! The original academic journal article can be found here: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2016.1139034. The news article can be seen here: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-sex-norms-idUSKCN0WK2HZ

Sex with Timaree Podcast: Discussing the 1st Annual AltSex NYC Conference

Want to know more about what the AltSex NYC Conference is all about? I appear with my co-organizer, Dulcinea Pitagora, on the Sex with Timaree show, a popular podcast, to discuss numerous things including how the conference was created and what attendees can expect. Click on the link below to check it out: https://sexwithtimareepodcast.wordpress.com/2016/02/29/ep236-the-upcoming-alt-sex-nyc-conference-sex-with-timaree-altsexnyc-2/

Prevention Magazine: 9 Sex Secrets Every Sex Therapist Knows (And You Should, Too)

I was featured in this very eye-catching article in Prevention Magazine. Typical relationship stuff. You gotta spice it up, keep things interesting, schedule dates, etc. Some interesting tidbits, but overall, it's worth checking out. http://www.prevention.com/sex/advice-and-secrets-from-sex-therapists

“The Sex Files”: My New Monthly Q&A Column in Men’s Fitness Magazine

Head out to the newsstands and grab a copy of the Jan 2016 issue of Men's Fitness Magazine to see the premier of the new monthly "Sex Files" column in which I answer readers' sex questions. In this month's issue I answer a question in which a guy is looking to help his girlfriend enjoy more pleasure when she is having sex on top. Check out the screenshot below to see my response: AskSexJan-Feb

CNN: What It Means to Be Pansexual

I was asked by CNN to weigh in on what it means to be "pansexual." Here's an excerpt from my interview:

"It is a broad word, and that is because people want to have the freedom to self-identify any way they want without being labeled by anyone else," said psychotherapist and sex therapist Michael Aaron.

"It has cultural resonance because it is so broad and allows for so much flexibility and choice."

For the entire story click here: http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/09/living/pansexual-feat/

Love&- 5 Things Wives Want Their Husbands to Know about Sex

Love& is a new magazine about relationships and sex. They interviewed me about common things that women may want their guys to improve upon in the bedroom. One of the big ones is touch, as a lot of men are way too rough and don't know how to adjust their touch to what their partner wants. For more on this, and other pointers, check out the article itself below: http://loveand.com/sex/5-things-wives-want-their-husbands-to-know-about-sex/

Thrillist: 5 “Terrifying” Sexual Disorders You Didn’t Know Existed

Despite the alarming headline, I was asked by lifestyle website the Thrillist to discuss a bunch of sexual issues that folks out there may encounter, such as Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD), sexsomnia and phimosis (when the foreskin does not fully retract and may cause pain). Much of what I said was cut out (as sometimes happens) but I get in a few good points on phimosis at the tail end. Phimosis is an issue I've encountered frequently enough with my male clients, so it's definitely worth a read. https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/5-terrifying-sexual-disorders-you-didnt-know-existed

Vice.com: Cash Slaves

I am featured in the newly released Vice documentary, "Cash Slaves." This is a very edgy and provocative look at the underground world of Financial Domination (Findom). As usual, I wanted to provide a fair and balanced portrait of the subject matter and make sure that the material was not pathologized. Findom is regarded by many to be an extreme fetish and definitely touches upon some very gray areas. Take a look at the video below and you can come to your own conclusions!  

Men’s Fitness Magazine Advisory Board

I have recently been chosen to be on the Advisory Board of Men's Fitness Magazine. As part of that, I will be popping in now and then to answer reader questions. It's possible my role will expand in the future, and there have been discussions to that effect, but for the meantime, I will keep everyone posted when they can pick up an issue to see my responses in print.

Wall St Journal: The Future of Virtual Reality Porn

Market analysts predict that new virtual reality technology will revolutionize the way we experience media, and will specifically boost the porn industry to unprecedented levels. This detailed article covers a lot of ground, addressing both the technology, business and social ramifications of virtual reality porn. I was asked to give my take on the issue and somehow a 20 minute phone conversation was distilled to a brief paragraph at the end of the piece, but nonetheless, it is still a worthwhile read. http://www.marketwatch.com/story/how-the-future-of-virtual-reality-depends-on-porn-2015-07-15?

NY Times: Women of the World

Does Bill Cosby have a fetish for unconscious women? Who knows? He's not a client and I've never met him, so I cannot say for sure, but this provocative piece in the NY Times tries to get to the bottom of his alleged bizarre behavior. The reporter did a great job dealing with some uncomfortable material,  so be sure to click the link below to see what I had to say on this issue: http://nytlive.nytimes.com/womenintheworld/2015/07/10/why-did-bill-cosby-want-to-have-sex-with-comatose-women/

Men’s Fitness- July 2015

I was recently asked by a reporter from Men's Fitness magazine to discuss reasons why a heterosexual man might refrain from having sex with a willing woman. The questions were basically soft balls, seemingly aimed at a younger, more inexperienced, male audience, but hey, I managed to drop a few decent pointers, relating to finding out if the woman is in a relationship, and if so, what kind of relationship she is in before diving in. If you want to take a look and poke around more, you can go directly to the article below. You are going to have to click to page 3 to see my quotes, btw. http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/5-reasons-you-shouldnt-have-sex-her/slide/2

Huffington Post: Most Common Sex Problems

I was recently interviewed for a piece in the Huffington Post about common sex problems. Entitled "The Most Common Problems People Have in Bed, According to Sex Experts", the article interviews a number of sex therapists about the most common cases they see in their practice. I indicated that lack of sexual desire rated pretty high, and they kind of bunched it up under the the umbrella of "mismatched sexual desires", which when it comes to couples is definitely fair enough. Solid piece all around, and written by a gifted writer who has a number of other interesting articles on the site. Definitely check it out: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/03/common-sex-problems-experts_n_5978560.html?1415023230

Men’s Health- Building the Perfect Sex Machine

I was recently interviewed for a Men's Health article on sex toys designed for men. They wanted to know my take on these "robotic masturbators" (as they called them) and as always, I tried to take a fair and balanced view of things. I pointed out that they could be used as a way to get better acquainted with one's sexuality (as well as get some much needed relief), but an over-reliance on technology may also limit guys from developing the necessary skills that would help them form romantic relationships. At any rate, hurry on over to the article here-- Building the Perfect Sex Machine-- and you can form your own conclusions and decide for yourself.

Upscale Magazine- May 2014 Issue

Go check out a great, and I mean GREAT, absolutely fascinating article in the May issue of Upscale Magazine, entitled "Secret Lovers," in which I am interviewed regarding the hush hush world of the swinger subculture.  The writer does a really good job of trying to understand the psychology of folks who practice consensual non-monogamy and I think the piece is very even-handed, with some practical tips for couples who are curious about dipping their toes in the lifestyle. I'll leave you with a quote from one of the swingers profiled in the piece, which I think gives a good feel for the tone and depth of the article-- "I love to see her with two guys and two girls at once. I enjoy submissive women, and there is no sexier submission than to watch my wife please me by pleasing others."  If that sounds interesting, then I suggest you head out and grab a copy. It's well worth the read.

Cosmo- April 2014

I am featured in the Sex Q&A section of Cosmo's April 2014 issue, in which I get asked about BJs, Plan B, sex in hot tubs, and all kinds of other tittilating reader questions. They did a good job of adding all kinds of humor, including a silly picture of tea bags-- need I say more? It's a can't- miss hoot. Go and check it out at news stands now!

Sex For Smart People Podcast

I just recently did an interview for a cool podcast called Sex For Smart People. Here is their description of the show: Sex therapist/psychoanalyst Dr. Michael Aaron is our guest of honor this time. Hear his and our perspectives on things like: What to do when you feel less ravenous about sex than your partner feels? Is it really honestly possible to feel coziness/familiarity and also sexiness/mystery/excitement in a long term partnership? How do you begin to talk to your partner about your interest in power play? (Trigger warning, around the half hour mark, we talk explicitly about rape fantasies.) And did you know that *just this past year*, kinky behavior was officially de-pathologized in clinical psychology terms (we think it is about f*****g time)? Plus, Dave is super silly and time)? Plus, Dave is super silly and loopy on NyQuil, and he and Stephanie share their favorite pick-up lines. [audio mp3="https://www.drmichaelaaronnyc.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Episode-7-Relationships-Are-Something-You-Do-Not-Something-You-Have.mp3"][/audio]