October 2014 - Dr Michael Aaron

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Study Seeking Participants: BDSM and Personality

Study Seeking Participants: BDSM and Personality

As a sexologist and sex therapist, I am always on the lookout for projects that can help shed some light on the subject of human sexuality. Not only is there a dearth of research on sexuality in general, but the study of alternative sexualities, such as kink, is especially barren. You can read more of my thoughts on the field of sexology here.

Anyway, I wanted to pass along the info for a research study being conducted right here in NYC by a 5th year doctoral psychology student at Yeshiva University. It is intended to study the relationship between personality and BDSM and is open to anyone in the world through an online survey, as long as the individual fits the right criteria. I’ll just cut to the chase and copy all the pertinent info about this research study and you can click on the link to the survey and decide for yourself if participating in this project feels right to you. Disclaimer: I am not personally involved in any manner with this research study.

I am a 5th year psychology doctoral student at Yeshiva University completing my dissertation research exploring the relationship between individuals’ personalities and behaviors in different domains. This study has been approved by the Institutional Review Board of Albert Einstein College of Medicine at Yeshiva University, New York, NY (IRB Number: 2014-3480).

Participation involves completing a series of online questionnaires. The questionnaires will take roughly 15 minutes to complete. Questionnaires will ask about various demographic, social, and behavioral information. If you complete the questionnaires fully and provide your email address, you will be entered to win a $20 […]

By Michael Aaron|October 29th, 2014|Sex and Culture, Sexual Minorities, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments

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Sexuality and Unresolved Grief

Sexuality and Unresolved Grief

In previous posts, I addressed the relationship between sexual difficulties and such powerful negative emotions as guilt, shame, and rage. I briefly addressed the emotion of grief in this article, but I also wanted to take the opportunity to expand on the ways in which grief affects sexual functioning, particularly because it is such a prevalent experience for so many people.

When we experience grief, inevitably we are dealing with some kind of a loss. Grief is the emotional response to loss. Typically, we may think of the loss of a loved one, but loss doesn’t just have to be about the death of a person– it could be about the death of an idea, a hope, a dream, an identity, and so on. In many ways, grief is a normative process in human development. We’ve all had to (or will have to) grieve the loss of childhood dreams and opportunities; we have to accept that we will never be an astronaut or professional ball player. And we also have to grieve the natural effects of the aging process– we cannot stay young and keep our looks and health forever. So grief is an inevitable experience for all of us in one way or another. We cannot escape it. But there is also a large gap between this kind of normative grief and the unresolved, perhaps pathological, grief that causes long-term difficulties.

When grief becomes unresolved it is typically because an individual is stricken with grief but does not allow him or herself to fully experience it. Essentially, the person is afraid to experience the grief, and develops something resembling […]

By Michael Aaron|October 22nd, 2014|Sex Therapy, Sexuality and Psychology|1 Comment

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Sexually “Deviant” Fantasies: A Concept Without Credibility

Sexually “Deviant” Fantasies: A Concept Without Credibility

As a member of numerous sexuality organizations, I’m often involved in a variety of conversations, both online and in-person, with colleagues in my field. The truth is, even amongst professionals, the field of sexology is still dominated by regional biases, rather than dispassionate science. For example, a sex therapist in New York City, where I practice, is probably going to hold a more tolerant view of a broad spectrum of sexual practices than a sex therapist in more conservative regions. I suppose this is something that would be obvious to most readers, but unfortunately, this lack of uniformity is a black mark on the field of sexology. Case in point, a cardiologist in New York is likely to have the same level of knowledge and theoretical background as a cardiologist in Biloxi, Mississippi. An opthalmologist in Seattle will probably agree on mostly everything with an opthalmologist in Tulsa, Oklahoma. That’s because these are medical practices ruled by scientific study. And sexology is a scientific discipline as well. But it is poorly funded, so there’s still a lot we don’t know about sexual practices from a scientific standpoint. As a result, sexology (and sex therapy) is still dominated by local mores, community standards, and personal prejudice.

As a case in point, I will briefly discuss an online conversation in one of the organizations I belong to. I don’t want to reveal anything too personal about anyone involved in the conversation, so I will just touch upon the main themes that I think are extremely important because they touch upon a major issue– the current state of the field of sexology […]

By Michael Aaron|October 13th, 2014|Sex and Culture, Sex Therapy, Sexual Minorities, Sexuality and Psychology|1 Comment

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Why Sex is Just the Tip of the Iceberg

Why Sex is Just the Tip of the Iceberg

When people ask me what is sex therapy, my answer often comes as a surprise– sex therapy is simply regular talk therapy, which also includes a frank discussion of sexual issues and/or difficulties. In other words, the skills necessary to be a good sex therapist cannot be separated from the skills of more general psychotherapy. And there is a specific reason for this– more often than not, the sex is just the tip of the iceberg.

Let me explain. An individual may come in to my office, complaining of a sexual difficulty, let’s say inability to enjoy sex, for example, but as we start working together it becomes apparent that this individual’s entire body is numb because he has shut himself off from ever having to feel intense, painful emotions again. So, in this instance, a deeper emotional issue has now begun to affect the individual’s sexual functioning, but the core issue isn’t the sex, it’s these nagging underlying painful emotions. The sex is merely the fire under someone’s butt to get him or her into the office, but the sexual issue will not and cannot be resolved unless the individual is willing to take a committed look at the deeper underlying issues.

This is just an example, and yes, sometimes sexual difficulties can be resolved without any of this deeper work. Often, because we live in a culture that is so confused about sex, just providing accurate sex education to dispel toxic and inaccurate beliefs is enough to send someone in the right direction. Or some behavioral interventions are sufficient when we are working with more […]

By Michael Aaron|October 6th, 2014|Sex Therapy, Sexuality and Psychology|0 Comments